Issue date: 2/28/08 Section: The Weekly

Wednesday, February 20- Went to a cocktail party that was obviously not expecting any college students (hey, we were invited!). They ran out of alcohol because we spent more time focusing on the open bar and less time on each other. We stayed overnight at the hotel but had to go to bed early after we were unable to break into the pool, or get the quarter machine to work for the video games. Felt like Eloise at the Plaza even though it was closer to
Alcoholics at the Motel 6.

Thursday, February 21- Headed to Hundo, which is shockingly more fun this week than usual. It might be because my roommate and I invented a new drinking game that is sure to make us millionaires. Until then, am proud of myself because a former hook-up shows up and I don't even get flirty. He's cute, but I'm trying not to double dip just because I'm drunk. And my friends are more fun, anyway - even if I don't hang out with them naked.

Friday, February 22- Sorority event. The brilliant girls I'm with bought raffle tickets at a convenience store, so we use those all night instead of buying drink tickets. The free open bar and incredible dance music leads to three poor decisions: pole-dancing at the keg, blacking out, and a random 3 a.m. three-way make out session between two gays and a girl at one of their apartments. She has a hickey she can't explain; meanwhile, I can't explain why I was going at it with some girl. At least she's hot.

Saturday, February 23- Another situation where I'm in a room with someone I've hooked up with and not really sure what's going on. Story of my life. Remedy the situation by getting high. Stop making sense and feel surprisingly more awkward. Once again, I'm surrounded by gays and girls, making me think we all watched way too much Will and Grace as teenagers. If only the title character ever got laid, then maybe I could relate.

Sunday, February 24- All week I've been complaining about feeling ugly when I get the confidence boost of a lifetime. There's this uber-straight Neanderthal guy whom I know. Someday he will find a wife and have 2.5 kids or whatever. But until then, he instant messages me when he's feeling horny. I have work to do, but it's nice to know someone is thinking of me naked. He wants me to talk dirty online, but gchat saves all my conversations...

Monday, February 25- Keg Monday, duh. More drunk than usual thanks to the secretively awesome new drinking game (look for it at Wal-Mart by 2010). While at the bar, I pick up my roommate/life-partner to give her a piggy back around the bar and promptly drop her on the floor. Her response, "We're always those people at the bar." When I get home, eat way too much. If I'm not getting laid, I might as well get fat.

Tuesday, February 26- Another sorority event where the words "gay friend" are thrown around way too much. I'm totally comfortable with my sexuality, but I hate to think of it as an adjective. The bartendress hates me after one of the bar regulars tells me her name and I repeatedly scream it whenever I want service. Totally obnoxious, but at this point, I might as well put the "gay" in gay friend. Go to bed hoping that next week involves, well, more of the same.

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