Issue date: 5/7/08 Section: Campus

10:23 p.m. | Funding is closed.

Unanimous vote. Four hours and twenty minutes after it began, it's done. Thanks for reading.

10:07 p.m. | ASB or more funding?

ASB dominates the room right now, sitting in the back left corner, dressed in identical bright yellow shirts. They've stuck it out the whole time (better than some senators) and now they want $1500 more for their spring trips.

But now the argument turns to the $21,606 left in the pool. If Senate decides to stop funding, the money goes back into the pool and becomes available for B-status student groups. That - coupled by exhaustion and four hours of tedium - might bring funding to an end soon. And trust me - no one's more happy than me.

ASB gets their $1500 and there's cheers from that sunny corner. Senate immediately makes a motion to close funding, and everyone else gets a little cheerier too.

10:05 p.m. | Celebrasia
Gets $1500 after a lengthy debate.

9:44 p.m. | College Republicans apologizes

Will Upton gets up and apologizes for the "arrogant and disrespectful" request to try and bring Huckabee to campus, one he said he had no knowledge of. He asks for $500 to try and bring Christopher Hitchens to campus in the fall. Will Senate be forgiving? Not so much. Despite some across-the-isle support (literally) from College Dems, the motion still fails.

9:28 p.m. | Cordless Drills

Remember how I promised that things would get asinine? Here's an example - WAVE is giving a speech in support of $380 to get two more cordless drills. The sad part? I sat through this debate last year. They get their drills.

Did you know?
-Drills last for five-to-six years.
-Cordless drills are circulated through the student theater community.
-Drills are capable of drilling three inch long nails into three inch pieces of wood...this doesn't seem right, but I'll go with it. It's a direct quote.

9:14 p.m. | College Republicans wants $8000

Right now they have $7000 for a fall speaker. Now they want $8000. Senate laughs. But wait...who do they want to bring? Presidential Candidate Mike Huckabee! The College Republicans promise if they don't get the Huckster, they'll return the money to Senate. And also, they may or may not have spoken with his agent. And also, the guy proposing the referendum just thought about this 30 seconds beforehand. And also, he said he's not sure if he has the authority to promise to give the money back. SAFB defends its recommendation by saying that the College Republican speaker said it all.

So this becomes a referendum on the Huckster, and we know how those usually turn out for the poor guy. Nearly unanimous defeat. I guess we'll just have to stick with his greatest hits on Leno.

8:54 p.m. | Inflation

Hey kids! Want to get better Dillo Day bands? Financial Vice President Seva Rodnyansky has a solution. Petition the NU administration to peg tuition and the student activity fee to inflation.

On second thought, maybe not. Making NU more expensive should never be an answer. To anything. Ever.

8:46 p.m. | Mayfest

Mayfest wants $5000 for the second-tier performer for Dillo Day. And they get it. Dillo Day usually gets rewarded in Senate.

8:39 p.m. | OASIS

Doesn't get $920 for an event. There were more abstentions than no votes. People are losing interest quickly. In the past, Senate has motioned to continue this to another night. It may be about that time now.

8:30 p.m. | A motion to make a motion debatable...

...is not debatable. Toss that around in your head for a little bit. It hurts. You know what hurts more? We're not even halfway done.

8:11 p.m. | A low-stakes game of chicken

College Feminists and the Senate are in a showdown. College Feminists have requested $3,500, then $2,500, then $2,000 and were turned down each time. Now they want $1,600.

Who's going to blink? I don't know, but I think it's more likely that someone will nod off first. They get their $1,600.

8:11 p.m. | College Feminists and Sex Week

College Feminists wants $3,500 to fund Sex Week. SAFB makes the point that only three events are funded by the SAFB, including "My Life As a Feminist Porn Activist" which drew chuckles from the crowd. Senate is clearly tiring of this, as the motion fails nearly unanimously. I think there's a real disadvantage to being one of the latter groups in the the funding order, which is determined randomly. Everyone seems to stop caring.

8:07 p.m. | Baby Steps

Mark Crain just got corrected in front of the Senate - SAFB doesn't like the term "baby steps"; they prefer "incremental increase". Try as they might, SAFB isn't just hip to all this lingo, yo.

7:57 p.m. | The doldrums

Senate's mired in some debate over an honorarium for the ULRPI speaker for NCDC. I missed exactly what this is, but trust me - I'm not alone. We've reached the dead part of the night, so it's time for my count of the things Senators are doing other than paying attention to funding.

-Gchatting: at least 5.
-Texting: 3
-Sitting with head in hands: 2
-Homework: 13

And God only knows what SAFB is doing. I can't see their laptop screens. Probably shopping at Jos A Bank or some other stuffy store for middle-aged men.

7:37 p.m. | The candy speech

Project Pumpkin wants a grant for candy, and SAFB is ready with a punny speech that includes as many candy reference as possible. "How many licks is it going to take to get to the center of this funding cycle?" I don't know, but with humor like this, I can only hope it's ten or less. Project Pumpkin gets their candy.

7:36 p.m. | Things TO ADD to an ASG drinking game

Take a shot (maybe two) anytime someone says "previous question." This is truly occasion to celebrate, because it means everyone has to shut up and vote. And trust me, it's a rare occasion. You might not even get drunk.

7:33 p.m. | TI-83: Top of the line

At this moment, Senate is watching Jesse Garfinkel use his "top-of-the-line" TI-83 calculator to calculate increase in production costs. This is a new low.

7:24 p.m. | One Voice wants to bring M.I.A.

M.I.A. might not be playing Dillo Day, but One Voice would like to bring her some other time. And to do so, they say they need lights. SAFB wants them to raise funds.

Senate apparently isn't a big M.I.A. fan; the measure goes down in flames the first time around. They come back and get a $4500 increase in staging and sound (apparently someone figured out the difference along the way), but they still want $1000 more for lights. No luck. Springsteen's Dancing in the Dark seems appropriate.

7:17 p.m. | Sound and sight v. lighting

What's the difference? I don't know. Senate doesn't know. And after a ten minute debate, no one seems any closer to figuring out the answer. God.

7:02 p.m. | SAFB is like your father

SAFB is like your father. And I think they like that way. Most of them come dressed in black suits and ties, they use words like "fiscal irresponsibility," "objectivity," "not funding based on cause" and so forth. It's tough not to see student groups as overgrown ten year olds, asking for an increase in their allowance.

One exception to this rule is SAFB Account Executive Cassie Witten. For lack of a better word, she looks too nice to do this job.

6:54 p.m. | One Step Before

Glory be. For the first time in my memory, SAFB agrees to with a motion to add funding to a student group. One Step Before, a minority pre-med society, motions for $4400, and SAFB agrees with the request. The group received no funding recommendation initially because SAFB argued that their minimum request for this year was too big of an increase over their previous year's funding.

The motion passes nearly unanimously. And, to continue the momentary thaw, SAFB reminds the group to request $895 to cover speaker costs and ticket printing. That passes unanimously, and I half expect Senate to break out in a rousing round of Kumbaya. See? Aren't things easier when we all just get along? The cynic in me tells me I'm still in for a long night.

6:47 p.m. | ASB gets $6,000, goes back to the well

ASB's second request goes through, and they immediately come back and ask for $2,000 for winter service trips. No dice. They roll again, asking for $1,500. Senate approves.

6:43 p.m. | Things not to add to a funding drinking game

Want to avoid alcohol poisoning?

-Don't drink any time someone says they'll keep it short and doesn't.
-Don't drink any time someone from SAFB uses the word "objective"
-Don't drink anytime someone calls ASB "amazing" or "unique".

6:29 p.m. | ASB - The annual debate

This happens nearly every year. Alternative Spring Break always asks for money to fund spring service trips and SAFB always makes the argument that since the event doesn't happen during the academic quarter, the group's trips shouldn't be funded. For their part, ASB argues that that its events are different and calls the distinction "ridiculous."

The motion to add $8,000 fails by a vote of 15-16, so ASB comes right back and asks for $6,000. In theory, there's nothing to stop them from asking again and again until one senator caves, and many groups take this approach.

6:08 p.m. | Late Start

Hello, Northwestern. My name is Dan Fletcher, and I was called out of Daily retirement with the unenviable task of liveblogging this ASG funding cycle. How does one liveblog something as dead-on-arrival as an ASG funding cycle, you ask? Beats me. But I'll do my best to keep you updated on all the funding as it happens, while highlighting some of the more asinine and ridiculous aspects of the process. And trust me - things are bound to get asinine and ridiculous.

A disclaimer - the opinions expressed in this little blog of mine are mine and mine alone. If I offend, feel free to yell at me in the comments. And for my part, I'll do my best to keep step shows and the word "intolerable" off limits.

5:59 p.m. | Getting started

Our reporter is getting his laptop ready; we'll start updating as soon as spring funding begins.

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